Ramon Watkins

I have decided to deal with the problem I have with Ramon Watkins by adopting a pro-active strategy composed of three elements (the idea being that, because of the existence of free will (meaning that events cannot be controlled), there should always be a plan, and then a backup plan, and then a backup for the backup plan. Therefore I have decided to see if it would be possible to get Ramon Watkins to file for divorce against Satan the Flying Space Devil, and if that doesn't work, I have decided to see if it would be possible to get Satan to file for divorce against Ramon, and if that doesn't work I have decided to toss a monkey wrench into the gears.

My narrative of Ramon Watkins is faulty. Ramon (aka ‘Prophet Yahweh') first came to my attention when he appeared on ABC news calling down two glowing orbs (one looked like a glowing white sphere, and the other looked like an orange honeycomb shaped object). After this happened Ramon then went on a well documented and very shocking rampage of humiliating false prophecy, after which he went down the drain for several years. I therefore assumed that Ramon Watkins was a rebellious prophet of YAHWEH, and that therefore what must have happened is that this was a prophet who was deliberately deceived by YAHWEH into making false prophecies so that God could rid the people of that bad prophet permanently. (As it was written, ‘if a false prophet appears among the people, and that prophet becomes deceived into making false prophecies, it is because I, YAHWEH, have deceived that prophet. I will lead him into ruin and rid my people of that prophet once and for all.').

This seemed to be just what happened, as both I, and all the people who were documenting Ramon's activities, made the assumption that he was now all washed up because of that fiasco, and those people shut down their monitoring operations and I assumed that the worst was over, and that prophet was finished, although I did keep on eye on him from time to time afterwards, just to confirm that he was ruined forever by that clever deception on the part of God.

This then left me wondering why God ever got mixed up with such a badly prophet in the first place, for you would think that God would be a good judge of character, and realize well in advance that a prophet would be nothing but trouble, and then not bother with the redundant step of first calling for that prophet, and then being forced to do a humiliating retreat by publically luring that prophet into his ruinous destruction later, thus proving how even God can make the most disastrous errors.

I can now see that my interpretation was false. What actually happened is that a devil is like a boy scout, in that they both have that same motto (‘be prepared'). Therefore about thirty years ago Satan came for Ramon Watkins, and in the classic devil methodology, Satan gave Ramon the truth about the divine Black Israelite religion in the form a stunning divine revelation from heaven. Since that time Ramon Watkins has been transformed into a stubborn religious dogmatic, since nothing makes a person more stubborn and impossible to deal with than when they have been given the revelation of the divine truth from heaven.

Now Satan would like to create many more such ornery dogmatists, thus throwing a devilish monkey wrench into the gears, and so therefore it was required that Satan, who doesn't possess a prophetic egg timer, was then forced to go get Ramon Watkins, and then keep that prophet packed in an ice box for thirty years. You see the last thing that devil wants is to fly around some slum or some ghetto pretending to be a black guy in a flying saucer from outer space. That devil already has a plan at work that requires darkness. That devil is like a chef making pickles that are then marinated for a long time in a secret brine, and for some reason, if the light should strike that briny mixture, it would turn the recipe sour. Therefore Satan needed to follow two contradictory strategies, and, like a miserly scrooge, Satan would just dole out really small, dim heavenly glories, so as not to spoil those marinating jars of pickles, while at the same time keeping Ramon packed on ice just in case the time came for that devil to give up on making pickles in the dark and switch suddenly over to making the most ornery dogmatics, a task that requires the brilliant and world dazzling glow of an angel of light.

This turned out to be a problem for that devil, for after keeping Ramon packed away in a freezer for thirty years, that prophet was becoming more and more frustrated and outraged with that miserly devil and those itsy bitsy matches that would be lit from time to time by that devil, since the devil refused to turn on the dazzling world illuminating light of salvation, for the devil would prefer to make pickles, that being a much less risky strategy, since it is less likely that pickles will turn sour, especially if they are kept in the dark to marinate properly, as that recipe requires. A sure thing is always better than a risky gamble that might blow up in a devil's face, and for that reason, no matter how much Ramon prayed and made the same ridiculous prophecy of dazzling light, that devil was going to go on striking one small match from a mile away, and just keep right on making those pickles in the dark, while at the same time striking just the most miserly few matches that would be required to keep Ramon packed on ice, just in case the time came for that devil to stop making those pickles because the light was going to be turned on and ruin those pickles in any case.

Well Satan finally decided that it was time to just slightly increase the pace, and perhaps lightly tap on the accelerator of that slow moving jalopy, and so the time came to slightly increase the profile of Ramon Watkins, thus helping to get him prepared for what seemed to be coming closer in the rear view mirror of that devil, and so the devil arranged for a small miserly sign and a wonder to be shown on ABC television. What a devil was not needing at the time, and what a devil forgot to consider, is that Ramon Watkins has been kept on ice by Satan for close to thirty years, and the fury inside that pissed off prophet is almost beyond control, and so therefore in a shocking display of crazed disobedience, Ramon Watkins rammed Satan in the ribs and pushed the devil out of the drivers seat, and then grabbing the steering wheel of that slow moving jalopy, Ramon attempted to ram the gas pedal right to the floor, provoking the full scale fury of Satan, because there was no way that Satan was going to fulfill prophecies such as parking a mile wide UFO over Vegas for three days or nights, or any of those other damnable ideas cooked up by that black mailing rebelling melting prophet who refused to be packed on ice. Therefore the whole strategy of just slightly increasing Ramon's profile went sour, as that prophet went down in a ruinous ball of flames and became badly damaged goods.

This was the first time Ramon was divorced by Satan, as Satan drew the same conclusion that I did, and so many others did, and concluded that Ramon was such a ruinously damaged goods that it was all over for that character. It was then that Satan began working with other prophets, while that Ramon was dumped. Those prophets took over Ramon's job and began doing the filming and so on, as that devil, who was now thrown behind schedule and was at the risk of showing up late for an appointment, began testing out new replacements. Some of those potential prophets were dreadful. There was that one character who, when he get Ramon's job, became very rude, and would show up to torment Ramon, calling him a washed up old coon who was getting replaced, and then that prophet went off and began shooting films of out of focus flocks of geese and peddling those films as a major UFO fleet. The others were not much better. Therefore it seems that now that the iron is in the fire, and that devil is getting real late for that appointment, all is forgiven, and that devil has decided to go back to Ramon Watkins. This has been much helped by Ramon's resilient following of followers, who are very resilient, and so have demonstrated to Satan that even a prophet who is damaged goods can bounce back if he is a human being and has integrity. Therefore Ramon's followers have created a powerful myth based upon Ramon's personality and his authenticity as a human being, which states that Ramon is just a man, he is only human, a human struggling to bring the divine salvation, and like any human he can mistakes as he continues his courageous struggle. Satan likes that mythology, and has decided that this should work to make up for that damnable fiasco that happened right after Satan turned the spotlight on Ramon, to get him attention, and Ramon promptly went down in a flame ball, a humiliating and shocking spectacle conducted in full public view. This was like poison to Satan, but Ramon's followers have managed to come up with a mythology that has convinced the devil to patch things up between Satan and Ramon Watkins.

Now it must be true that if there was no divine revelations brought by the brilliant angel of light over the course of thousands of years of time, that must mean that the one true faith was some strangely unfamiliar, even a really weird sounding idea. Therefore if some weird ideas like that Black Israelite religion proved to be the secretly hidden truth that would be no surprise because you would have to expect the angel of light to bring some previously unknown weird sounding damned idea that no one had heard before. That was to be expected. This will be the resonant point for the devil to exploit in peddling that Black Israelite religion, which is a weird superstition, but then you would expect that sort of thing.

This certainly worked on Ramon, and Ramon is a deeply convinced and very authentic sincere religious dogmatic for that religion, and seeing the results, naturally Satan would like to reproduce such results millions of times, for there is nothing that can be done to save someone like Ramon Watkins, and the only solution for that crazed social phenomenon is to plant generations of humanity six feet under for ages of time, until finally the damn crazed social condition calms down enough, and the dogmatism withers down enough to make an attempt at the salvation of the world possible once again. In this way Satan can turn the wrath of God on humanity, thus buying another two thousand years of time, assuming we all get damned for another two thousand years for having been saved by the Black Israelites, and turning out as unsalvageable as Ramon Watkins appears to be (I may be wasting my time trying to save that religious fanatic, but I will make the attempt).

We know that two thousand years of exile is about the right amount of time to plant the generations six feet under and subdue the dogmatic craze created by error generating devils, for the Christian dogmatism, while not totally disappearing, has subsided down enough to make the attempt at the salvation of the world possible. We can also see that Islamists are more notoriously dogmatic than Christians, for Islamists have only been planted six feet under by God for 1400 hundred years, which is still to short a time, since apparently two thousand years is about right. Therefore the devils would like to throw a monkey wrench into the gears by creating dogmatic Islamists six hundred years after ruining that Catholic church with dogmatism, by appearing as an angel of light to Mohammed, thus making no time a good time for salvation, for even though the Christian church had been well baked by exile, those Muslims would be found six hundred years behind the times, and thus still very dogmatic, and just impossible to save..

Now if I am to have any hope of saving Ramon Watkins, then I must exploit the fury inside that prophet caused by those thirty cruel miserly years Ramon has spent being packed on ice by that notorious scrooge, Satan the Devil. Just this month Ramon was once again begging Satan to please, please, please turn on the light and save the world, unless, Ramon said humbly, since he knew he was being rebellious yet again, and at the risk of pissing of Satan by grabbing the steering wheel, unless, Ramon said, there was some very good reason not to save the world right now, which only Satan would know. Well, in answer to Ramon's obviously painful and very sincere prayer (I am not mocking here) I will give Ramon the answer to his prayer. The reason why Satan is such a miser is that Satan is a devil making pickles in the dark, and you, Ramon, are some deeply offended tool being used by Satan by being packed on ice. If that devil could somehow not appear as an angel of light, that is what the devil will do, but given the contradictions in that devil strategy, and the need to keep both you, and you hardcore small band of potential shock troops carefully iced, once in a while that devil will strike a small match from far away, just to keep that freezer cold. Hopefully understanding these things will be enough to cause you to file for a divorce from that devil.

Now if you do not divorce that devil, and if that devil decides to throw caution the wind, and once again appear as an angel of light, so as to be the ruin of us all, then I do need a backup plan to be used upon you, and so what I have decided to do is make paper air planes and then fire those things off into the slums and ghettoes of America. As the saying goes, ‘I shot a paper airplane into the air, and where it landed, I know not where.' When someone finds that airplane they will notice it is covered with writing, and when they read that writing, they will notice that I am defining your legend. Now I know, I know, Satan is going to define your legend, and then I am going to define your legend, and then we will just have to wait and see who gets to define your true legend, a liar like that devil or myself. Therefore I need one more plan, and so what I have decided to do is to take a large hammer and place a giant sized crack in the wall of that Black Israelite religion, so that it becomes a weak wall, already cracked and straining, ready to collapse. Think about this way. A divine revelation of a flying saucer is a piss poor revelation, for it is not divine, but rather a source of endless controversy, not being much a divine revelation at the end of it all. Still, a devil has to do what a devil can manage, and so the devil will have to come up with a counterfeit like that strategy, for a devil has pulled out the short straw when it comes time to think up a divine revelation.

Now if you decide to become a false prophet and work for Satan, then I would expect to see you reach for a pail of white wash, and then you can begin to deviously cover over that giant sized crack in the wall with a coat of whitewash, you know, so that no one can see it. However whitewash is not a structural support material, and contributes nothing towards keeping some cracked and creaking wall standing upright, and instead would just be the dirty shit deed of a scandalously behaved false prophet. For the next part of the strategy it will be required, after you have scandalized yourself by coating that crack with whitewash, that we unleash the whirlwind in our fury and send hailstones in our wrathfulness, as we destroy that wall you covered with whitewash, while destroying you right along with it. Hence the need to send paper airplanes. For you see some black grandma will find a paper airplane, and then she will see you covering that crack with whitewash, and I think you know about the potential wrathful fury of some of those black grandmas in the slums and the ghettos. And yes, I know, sure she was just one raging granny, but give it some time. You see the more you keep covering fresh cracks with whitewash, the more storm winds will blow and the hailstones will begin to fall and pound on that already structurally unsound damaged cracked wall of the Black Israelite religion. To summarize, my plan is to save you, and then my backup plan would be to destroy both you and that whitewashed wall right along with you.

Now having said all that, if I cannot get Ramon to divorce Satan, then maybe I can convince Satan to divorce Ramon, for while it is true that right now Ramon has the mythology of integrity to help make up for that previous disaster, once that prophet so much as touches that can of whitewash and that paintbrush, well then he will damaged goods again, damaged beyond all repair, thus getting a new legend stuck to him, to replace that other one supplied by his followers which you have decided to exploit.

Another thing a devil might want to consider is that there is no way to make pickles and dogmatics at the same time, since pickles require darkness and dogmatics require glorious light. You cannot sweep black America off her feet by doling out miserly miserable match sticks glowing from a mile away. To pull a stunt like that a devil must outdo the fourth of July in glory and bedazzling explosions of the divine radiance of a stunning, and unexpected, burst of divine light from heaven. This is the only way to create the weakened highly receptive psychological state which will then allow you to quickly turn off the light by lobotomizing black America by pounding that Black Israelite superstition into their heads.

If I cannot arrange for a divorce then I must toss a monkey wrench, for while I do not want devils flying around over our slums and ghettos, outdoing the fourth of July I am sure, I cannot control events, and those devils might go for it, thus creating a real hard problem for me to deal with later. So therefore I thought I would point out to those devils that my response to action by devils of this sort, will to become the fool. Yes, I will put on the fools hat, and become an entertainer, and make a real spectacle out of myself, as fool fights fool. It will be a real soap opera, and of course I will want to jack up the ratings for that program, while at the same time sending all the bills to pay for my advertising campaign to you devils, so that in an ironic twist so characteristic of a typical backfiring devil plot, you devils can pay my bar tab for a change, instead of expecting humanity to pick up your bar tab. Yes, I will be hitching a ride, and while you might get around and get places before I can get there, spread ruinous dogmatism around making my cause just hopeless, it is a big planet, and if the price of saving it is to destroy parts of black America then I suppose, free will being what it is, that will just have to be the way it is going to be.