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Back to the Garden




Below I post a series of snippets from discussions I have had in the past with others about issues related to this site. I post this assortment to function as a kind of commentary, at least until I figure out what it is that I want to say...

I have some very unusual stories to tell. After long experience, I know that stress builds in people because of those stories I tell (but it can be suppressed). I think it brings up powerful and confused emotions in people. I know it does in me, even after all this time.

So I am going to take some time, and contemplate this whole emotions thing, because I notice it in people around me, and I think I detect it even over the Internet. It is a big change to hear such things, and it stirs up powerful emotions and is confusing....

The confused emotional response I get from people confuses me as well, and I have just never felt competent in dealing with that sort of thing. But I thought I would try. To borrow a few words from an old song, "I came upon a child of God, he was walking along the road, and I asked him, 'where are you going?' And this he told me, I'm going to try and get my soul free...I feel to be a cog in something turning. Well maybe its just the time of year, or maybe its the time of man. I don't know who I am, but life is for learning. You are star dust, you are golden, caught in the devil's bargain, and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden." "Yesterday, a child came out to wonder. Caught a dragon fly inside a jar. Fearful when the sky was full of thunder, and tearful at the falling of a star. And the seasons, they go round and round, and the painted ponies go up and down. We're captives on the carousel of time. We can't go back, we can only look behind from where we came, and go round and round and round in the circle game."(Joni Mitchell).

You are eternal. Maybe you always wondered and maybe now its time you should know. As for that 'out of the garden' thing, I don't know what happened, or how we got here, but here we are. Who knows what went wrong, but whatever it is it seems to be hard to fix. You can see that these things confuse me. In a perfect world we would all just go back to 'the garden' wouldn't we? Instead we go through some great struggle. I wish I understood things better, and lately I have been thinking that if I was going to improve my website, it is time to get away from that same old same old that I do (critique the myth of the monolothic tradition) and start dealing with some of the really deep and important emotional issues. there is a lot of pain, a lot of scarring that people get in a place like this one. There is our isolation in the universe and there is death and dying and suffering and pain. There is warring and hating and then the hardening in our hearts that takes place so we can live in a world of suffering and warring. To me this is all circular, it is systemic, and self perpetuating. As for how it all began who knows, but that metaphor of 'getting kicked out of a garden' seems fitting to me. So there is a lot of baggage to deal with here. No one asked to be born, but we were born, and we were born here, and now we will carry our ancestors baggage I suppose.

I don't understand. I have led a blessed life, now if only I could be smart in the important ways (but I really am not. I just muddle through, but now its time for me to do some serious thinking. Why do people turn away. Based on my experience, part of it could be based on pain. It hurts and we turn away (something I do a lot). It could be confusion. I haven't much to say here that is really intelligent. I have been brooding about this for several weeks, wanting to write something, wanting to say something, and just not having anything worthwhile to say, because I don't even understand myself, and as for understanding everyone else, well I think I have lived in 'never never land' for to long to be able to do that anymore.

You are eternal. As for that 'getting kicked out of the garden' metaphor, I can't explain what happened to what seems to me to be a screwy screwball world. All I know is that I don't want to carry around my ancestors dirty baggage, and I don't think that you should either. So then maybe this is 'believing and being saved' in a way. Actually, I think I am a bit of gnostic myself. If only you people could believe me, for starters, and then if only people could just go back to the garden. It sounds so simple to me, but for some reason its not.

Based on my experiences in Melville, for example, and then later, it seems that the garden has always been there, but for some reason it can be so hard to get people to go back to the garden. I don't understand this part, and that is why what I am saying here is not particularly brilliant or insightful. I am just going on, alright.

You are eternal. You are a child of God. No one is trying to keep you out of the garden, but maybe there is some kind of 'sin' in humanity, or it could even be resentment at that ancestral baggage, but for some reason you almost have to force people to go into the garden. You have an open invitation to the garden, so what I would suggest is that you examine your hearts, and just see what's there. Or to use a metaphor, for what its worth, you might consider just dropping that ancestral baggage right on the spot, and heading back to the garden yourself. And that garden is not some special place, by the way. It is within you, and it is everywhere all around you. And, despite the weirdness of the stories I tell, I am an honest person, and I am telling you the truth. There really is a garden and as for the rest of it, well I am not the Buddha unfortunately. God knows I have been brooding about that for weeks. This sort of thing is the best I can do, and I suppose I will have to copy this onto my website, just as a start of this 'new thing' I want to do. It will have to do until I get clearer on exactly what it is that I want to say...

A question to consider. Now as you know I was saying that I considered what those churches did to be terribly unfair. If I was just the average nut case, then lock me up I suppose, but as I told them, COME WITH ME, and I was DEAD SERIOUS. And you know what. I think they might have actually believed me too. After all they didn't take up the offer. And that would be one way to shut me up wouldn't it. So I have a question for people to consider. Would you go. Seriously think about it. And if there is someone who says, 'no way' then I follow with a point to reflect on. Why not? And there could be many many possible answers to that question. I won't even bother to speculate on the motives of other people, but I will point out that I have seen people who did see, as I mention on my story page briefly, and they seemed to want to pretend that they didn't see. You know if you really want to expand your mind this involves accepting what is. Like I said, I wouldn't want to even begin to speculate on motives or the variations in human psychology but I bring this up as a 'spiritual exercise', a rhetorical question if you will. A point to ponder. What is simply is. I like what that one fellow had to say about 'objectivity' versus 'subjectivity' and in spiritual matters there is often much subjectivity, and sometimes that is unavoidable, because where there is the unknown there will be subjectivity after all, objectivity not being possible. But as I found out to my great frustration, in Melville Saskatchewan and at other times, as I describe on that newspaper gif page and on my story page, there are times when it is possible to be more objective, but perhaps people are 'more comfortable' being 'subjective' and pretending that things are 'unknowable'. And so you get that peculiar situation where people won't even listen to the RCM Police, even when it is squads of observers, or they might listen but not really hear. Because there are ways to hear without hearing, or so it would seem. So I will continue to puzzle over human nature, but I am going to do my best not to get morose about it any more, well, unless I get haunted by another one of those devils I was mentioning. Like I said, I just offer this up as an excercise, a point of reflection, and this aspect of human psychology bears directly on questions surrouding UFOs and certain spiritual issues as well, because normally it will be the case that people will claim that there is no way to know, but it would seem to me that there are psychological issues that have to be addressed here, and that 'not knowing' (in otherwords refusing to be objective) can be a comfortable way of evading issues (and who knows what those issues could be-there could be so many possible explanations-fear of the unknown, hardening which can happen to people when they encounter sufferings and this deadens the response, the 'comfort zone' and who knows what else)

Like I said, I offer it up as a kind of spiritual exercise. You are going out, out into the night. YOu are there. What is the emotional content of this experience for you. Your friends are with you. How are they reacting. Why? What does it all mena? Its a rhetorical question.

I was thinking a little more about what I was going on about last night, and it occurred to me first thing this morning that the answers I was looking for were probably to be found in bringing to conciousness my taboos. I say, 'I don't understand why people react the way they do.' And I am concious of having some taboos. don't post about those taboos. Stay away from the taboos. So perhaps the answer is in the taboos. Number one taboo. Don't mention death. So perhaps the answers I am seeking in helping me to understand certain perplexing behaviors of people when they were confronted with a UFO is to be found here, in considering this taboo.

Let me tell you what that UFO wave in Melville was like, from the emotional point of view. It was like that Christmas feeling only in the middle of summer. Every day, day and night. School was out, it was summer, and the skies were literally filled with these UFOs, night after night. I can remember a few times when there would be nothing for maybe three nights, but they always returned. This went on for months, like I said, and as I said that stubborn Melville Advance newspaper ignored all the phone calls from people and the 'atmosphere of panic' in the town (which even the Advance had to eventually acknowledge, as that article in the first week of August proves.) Not all of us were panicing. I was in glory land, it was Christmas in summer time, only maybe ten times better. What a time to be alive. I just wish another flap like that could happen again, now that I am older and a little bit wiser. Notice I say a little bit wiser, because someone as puzzled and perplexed as I am is not really wise. It would be nice to see Saskatoon get blitzed, but now that I am older I will know better than to believe that the world changed that summer in Melville. My world changed. the whole rest of the planet stayed the same, which is a hard thing to get used to. I never have gotten used to such a screwy idea.

So maybe for now I will just list my 'taboos' and then consider them in the hopes of finding out 'the secret'. Number one taboo - don't mention death. Number two taboo - don't mention raising of the dead, or to be more blunt, don't mention Joshua. He's taboo. Number three taboo - don't mention our ancestors getting 'kicked out of the garden'. This is not the strongest taboo. That one I have mentioned before. but still it feels taboo. By the way, I do not mean LITERALLY, I am using a myth to refer to something here. Our ancestors must have p-d someone off really good to get us stuck in this mess. Death and rising - taboo...

Oh and speaking of hearing someone, and yet not hearing, did you hear me when I said you were eternal? I prayed, I got an answer. I still get an answer, for some reason - I don't know. And now I am telling you - and you should be able to understand why I would want to do something like that. For my part, I need to imagine how you feel, and that isn't to hard. disbelief. to good to be true. Be on your guard. YOu know how painfully disappointing that would be. That probably explains a lot right there.

I can't think of much more to say right now. I am once again emotionally exhausted, and that always ruins me as a writer. I guess I am deliberately trying to touch a nerve, not because I want to hurt you people, but because I want you to know something and it won't be easy for you to hear it. I will do what I can to help. I will gather together every newspaper gif I can find. Listen to the RCM Police on this one and the EMO officers. I will sit on the net and take out classified ads and dig up some people from Melville, well dig up some who want to talk, because like I said there are deep, deep taboos related to this subject, and for these sorts of reasons people sometimes don't talk, which I think is wrong by the way. This is something a person is obligated to share once it has happened to them, or so I think.

Oh what a planet this one is, what a place. Even after all these years I still haven't figured it all out, which isn't saying much...but maybe that is because I leave alone all those taboos instead of confronting them head on...

I can be hyperbolic when it comes to talking about the church, there is no doubt about that. But I come from 'the bible belt' you might say, and the churches are very conservative. I write protest writings and have been doing for so for years. I am very well known in the church. Even the Pope knows who I am. The entire Christian media knows me, and that by the way, is not hyperbole. Let's just say I am getting to be very good at what I do, and I am gaining an audience. there is a lot of untold history behind that story, years and years and years and years. People are precious, religion and religious dogmas and religious books are not...I hate cruelty.

You know what I was trying to suggest there is that if you mention death and you mention 'getting kicked out of the garden' you have violated a kind of spiritual taboo because it suggests that something is terribly wrong with the world and then it brings to mind questions about God that people would rather avoid. Death hurts, and it was this pain that I was referring to that was taboo, and often times, then God can become taboo as well, for the very same reason. It is the pain that is taboo, and for me, death is not a taboo because I have a strong faith, and this not of myself by the way, it was born of all these experiences I was sharing. Consideration of this matter brings to mind metaphors like that of our ancestors 'getting kicked out of the garden' and this brings to mind questions about God, and it is these questions and the pain that can go without it all that is taboo. And it is pretty hard to gloss it all over and sweeten it up, because all this death and suffering and pain is an ugly thing and it is bound to cause problems for people in any spiritual discussion. I guess I wasn't specific enough, and didn't make myself clear, by being blunt about it like I am now, because, after all, it is taboo. My way of dealing with it is to just forget the past. I am not interested in hauling around my ancestors baggage. And I don't want to inherit their quarrels either, and if it turned out to be neccesary for our ancestors to learn the true meaning of evil, well I think I have seen just about enough of that to satisfy myself that I don't like it, and thus I don't feel any need to quarrel with God about anything either. Its over for me. Like I said, such things are taboo, and really I think that as we are on our spiritual search and moving along the path on our spiritual journey we have to watch out that we do not turn to only the shallow and avoid the deep.

Someone posted something about objectivity and subjectivity and I can't find it, but I thought it was a great posting. I have been pondering it today, while I was considering all my taboos, and I began to realize that one reason why we are often so subjective is because we lack information. We then have no choice. We can't be objective because we face the unknown. But another reason to be subjective is because we can then deal with what is taboo. We can keep safe. We can toy with what is taboo and handle what we find taboo and stay safe. We can find safety in being subjective. When the time comes to be objective then that taboo, whatever it is, can rear its ugly head in full force, and for this reason, often times people will do what seems unreasonable, ignore the facts, and turn to subjectivity. Being subjective can once again reduce that taboo to nothing, we can handle it again. This is the conclusion I came to as I pondered what he wrote. If the truth hurts, and if the pain is the real taboo, we can deal with both by avoiding unpleasant truths and discard the facts and become subjective and once again we can handle a taboo. Its something to watch out for as we go on our spiritual quest, because the shallows can be inviting. i know I have felt a taboo about heading out into the deep. Its easier not to, and you can get along with people better as well, if you don't violate the social taboos, but in the end I was thinking that you probably do a person more harm than good by keeping taboos. Better in the long run to break them...

Previously, while I was breaking my taboos, I mentioned 'getting kicked out of the garden' but it occured to me that another metaphor to describe the same sort of thing would be 'left the garden'. The metaphor of 'getting kicked out' suggests something about the nature of God and the metaphor of 'leaving' suggests something altogether. And leaving fits in with some of the experiences I had in Melville (no one ever tries to stop anyone from getting back into the garden, nor is anyone waiting to kick someone out of the garden, but rather people seem to 'leave the garden' and you have to urge them to go into the garden.) So it is another way of looking at the same thing...

I am a true died in the wool believer. This is because I prayed at Jasper Park. Its on my story page on my website, and this experience was the genesis of my faith. And faith it is. You see I was thinking, how tragic the fate of the starving famine victims of the world, the little infants who will never know life, etc. Why don't I pray and see if perhaps someone will answer. So I prayed and someone answered and this is where faith comes in, because I believed them, and now I believe in God. Actually I prefer 'Yahweh' so I will use that term from now on, and people can understand what I mean. This is a matter of trust. I believe in Yahweh and I believe in Joshua (the english translation of 'Jesus' by the way, which is greek). It is a trust thing with me, and as my friends and the people around me have found out, I get 'rewarded' for believing this by having all these people up there in those craft repeatedly return. If i go out looking tonite they will return. That is the truth. to borrow a parable, which of you, who is a father, if your child asks for some food would toss them a stone? That is the way it is. Its called loyalty and I am used to it now, although it might be hard for others to believe that something like this could really happen. It is the truth.

Now my response focuses on emotions.

If someone says 'I don't know if there is a god. It would be nice if there was one, but I look at the way the world is and I just can't believe it." well this is something I can understand. Now typically, if you visit an atheist web site, they will claim that atheism is 'the rational choice' and faith is the 'emotional choice' but I disagree. You see if a little starving baby dies and there is no god then that is all there is for that baby, and if someone says 'i hope there is no god' this obviously an emotional response, not a rational response when you consider it this way.

this is something I was getting at when I talked about 'leaving the garden' being a taboo subject because there are powerful emotions of resentment that people feel against the concept of god that then come into play because of the state of affairs we find ourselves in. to hope that there is no god, is different than being an atheist or agnostic and it is not rational response but rather is deeply emotional.

my next point for thought is this. consider the way babies come into the world. They are soft and gentle and loving and can easily forgive anyone.

now some years go by in this place, and with suffering and pain in the world that child will have to eventually harden its heart (or it will suffer with the world. Now if we assume we are only hear for a short time, who wants to waste any of it suffering with the world? So often times people harden, start hating others and being hated, feuding, hardening.

Now my question is this. Just thinking in terms of the 'laws of nature' and the evolution, someone would have to explain to me why is it that this place destroys human life - I am speaking of the destruction of human personality that takes place where a small child can be born innocent, soft hearted, loving and good, and then grow up to be hardened, even criminal, hostile, hateful etc.

if you consider what I am saying you will see that it is powerful testimony for the existence of god and it reinforces the things I was told by those people up there. You see we don't belong here, this place is toxic for human health, and there is no 'survival' or 'law of nature' to explain this. We belong in the garden with Yahweh, and we are living here, our way, our own way, simply to find that out for ourselves.

As for the emotional resentment that can be so powerful, this is something else altogether to be worked out. As I said, it is not rational. That is a myth about atheism. It is deeply emotional and right now I can't think of anything to say about it. Maybe 'put the past behind ... make up ... forgive and understand'

It was fun, by the way, it was the most glorious and exciting and interesting experience of my life to be living in Melville during that UFO wave, and I really thoroughly enjoyed it. I was really niave though and the first few disappointments are the worse. I just could never understand why people could not just enjoy and celebrate that experience thus experiencing it the same way I did, but instead it quickly became complicated and knotty and thorny. Still is I guess...

I am very well known in the church. The Pope knows me. Every single solitary tele-evangelist knows me, and they have known me for years

By the way each time I get attacked as 'A Satanist' or 'the 666 Lamb Dragon' I get so worried about you people, and everyone else, being mired down in superstitious nonsense and being influenced by this sort of drivel that I mount a particularly strong counter attack.

Just a few last thoughts When I saw the events at Jasper Park, as described in my 1975 letter, 'it was wrapped in a cloud. The rainbow was on its head.' (Revelations 10) And the I got that '666' number around the same time. Two flip sides of the same coin. Who am I?

Now I write Biblical critiques, and have done so for years, and I am very well known, at least in the top of the churches, although they censor me heavily so I am not that well known in the bottom of the churches.

When I was fifteen I had some UFO experiences after I was praying in Banff park. I was fifteen. Not all those UFOs are full of good types of peoples. A few months after I met these 'nice' aliens I met some not so nice aliens, and I met them a few times after that as well (to me aliens and the haunted house phenomena have been linked ever since). I turned sixteen and got attacked by a 'devil' (as I call those things). When I got my driver's licence the number on it was 09066606'.

Now the churches cannot refute my Biblical critiques so they have tried all sorts of other things on me - most notably completely censoring me. they are also trying to nail me with the label 'Satanist' (mostly to save their own necks - I am speaking about the pulpit here, since most ordinary church people really don't know what is going on nor do they even understand the Bible, being so poorly propagandized by the pulpit, something I make clear on my site).

Now there strategy is to label me a 'Satanist' who mixes with 'witches' and 'the paranormal' and the capstone to put onto it all, is to drag out that '666' driver's licence number, a powerful taboo thing to do for me by the way, and try and nail me as being the 666 Lamb Dragon thing of Revelations. As I point out on my site, and as is described in my 1975 letter, when I first saw those angels in those UFOs 'it was first wrapped in a cloud, then the rainbow was on its head' which describes a prophet in Revelations chapter 10, not a devil) - see the drawing. So actually I am kind of a guessing game. I can tell people that the '666' part was just some disgusting devil attack from up there, but there are powerful superstitions and powerful taboos surrounding this number, and it isn't always easy...

so to sum up here, when a church goes for the capstone and tries to nail me with that lamb dragon charge, it does something to me that is hard to describe and I respond powerfully and ruthlessly defend myself, and, by the way, I will continue to do so, because that is like incitement to murder, I perceive it as the ultimate threat

By the way, as far as that 'Lamb Dragon' accusation goes, that is just preachers trying to cover their own sorry backsides. I hope they enjoyed receiving that post I sent the other night by 'Paragenesis express'. (Probably not). It is such a dirty and dangerous thing for them to do to me, but they really don't care. What really set me off was that I made a post about advertising my site, and shortly afterwards got this email charging me with being the Lamb Dragon, and the two seem linked, so that explains my enigmatic response in this forum)

Now as for the Lamb Dragon issue, I think I can deal with that pretty easily. I will never ever build a statue of 'the beast' and force people to worship. People can also 'buy and sell' anything they want, and I will never, ever be found to be 'marking anyone's head' or anything else like that. On the day I die people can look back and think, 'well he didn't get around to marking anyone's head.' And that will pretty well 'clear things up for people' don't you think.

Like I said it was just some of those filthy and disgusting space devils that tried that one on me, those dirty rotten things (a space devil apparently having about the same morals as some in the pulpit who pick up on that thing started by that space devil and try to finish it off, and this only to cover their own sorry backsides - has anyone read my biblical critiques - you could see how they might be (warped enough) to try something like that to stop me, because my critiques are honest and correct and impossible to refute. (To quote the gospel, 'I will give you such wisdom that none of your enemies will be able to refute what you say').

there are some powerful taboos to deal with here, and not all people can. My remarks above are an attempt to address the issue for those who are weaker and more fearful (don't be like that by the way, because that can be exploited by those churches, and it is after all their current strategy to deal with me)

About all I can say about spirituality is that people should not be dogmatic. Be flexible and changeable and at times, even objective (when it is possible - we don't always have all the info).

I agree with what you said before about evil being a product, rather than a first cause (I think myself that so much of what we see that is wrong in the world is a self perpetuating systemic social problem- 'sin' is more or less inculcated into little children through their experience of human society - they certainly don't seem to be born with it...

I have been rolling around what you said about 'going back to the early garden' rolling it around in my mind, and the one thing I can't past is 'What about Hitler'. What I mean is that if Hitler is in that garden (in otherwords there is snake up the tree) then don't you have to label that an evil snake? Somehow there are these extremes of evil that I cannot get past that way.

for example, if you read Hitler's Table Talk, you will find Hitler describing his descent into evil. He said that becoming evil was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He had to work for years, he said, to destroy the good part of himself because he knew that the only way to achieve the power he wanted was to be ruthless and evil.

After someone works that hard to be evil on purpose it makes me wonder if perhaps there aren't evils that go beyond social conditioning. Most people just are what they have become, and they don't work at it as much as he says he did, nor do they turn out as absolutely rotten as he did at the end of what he called (his words) "the greatest struggle of my life." But then, I suppose, most people would have to work extra hard to become as evil as he had his mind made up he was going to become, and so I suppose that tells you something about the nature of the universe, as well as little children themselves - there is something basically good about the universe, and babies as well...No wonder he had to 'struggle' and work for years to turn evil...

But like I said, this poses a problem for me, and what I call 'space devils' as well...maybe they worked for centuries to turn rotten too. Who knows?

Another thought that has been rolling around in my head. Innocent in the garden. Knows no evil. It is a very romantic notion and would appeal greatly especially to 'wiccans' and 'pagans' because that is exactly what they are looking for. However, if you know no evil, then you don't know enough to stay away from evil. In that case you are only safe from evil if there is no snake, and the only way to learn enough about evil to know enough to stay away from a snake is to know evil and good, which is kind of a catch 22 isn't it? So I suppose the problem is that it is now to late not to know good and evil, and the problem is returning to the garden knowing good and evil, because innocence is gone. To me it seems like a fair metaphor for reality- we are 'knowing good and evil' which as you point out was the problem in the earlier mythology, and unfortunately that means that we have to experience evil as well, which we certainly do, as we can tell by looking around...

It is inevitable that I am going to face problems from the leadership of the churches. They are able to exploit certain rebellious qualities in human nature that make people get dogmatic in spiritual matters. Now when you corner an animal, even animals that are not normally attackers will respond, and for me because it is my 'achilles heel' I did respond, and I stayed upset for days, and only managed to calm down yesterday. It is a bold move on their part, because I could just as easily be a prophet, as my letter from 75 testifies, and when people get stubborn like they have been stubborn, the response they get from above is a little guessing game to play. They are reckless, but then we are talking about here, a multi billion dollar industry, with those at the top being incredibly wealthy, so one cannot expect them to simply roll over and die before the truth, now can we. They have gotten extremely wealthy and powerful through the lie, and they aren't about to stop now. (There are fifty million members of the religious right in the united states, so they have political power and influence as well. This ties in to what I was saying to Yaraluna previously about giving them the answer that their great power and their deeds and their conduct deserves). The end result of this type of thing is the crucifixion, and in spiritual terms, this is the meaning of the crucifixion, or better said, this is the meaning of the rising from the dead. First truth can be objective, and if someone rose from the dead, it is pointless to suggest that they did not. It gets nowhere in the end. The truth simply just is whatever it is. Second, you just cannot nail innocent people in this universe and get away with it. This is what it all means, and as the situation developes you will see Yahweh revealing things about human nature that need to be revealed (for example, there is a line in the Koran that states that there can be no more prophecy and no more prophets until the end of time. Quote unquote. Unfortunately they would appear to be wrong, but they have also shown themselves to be dogmatic and in the end it will not work out for them. But before they fail, they will also lay charges and hatch plots and hurl unfounded accusations, and do all the things that people do when some dogma is questioned. This is the meaning of the crucifixion, by the way, and it is the meaning of the rising from the dead. I don't go looking for trouble from Muslims, but I get it anyways, and it remains to be seen what other religious groups have dogmas that cannot be questioned or challenged. Like I said, to focus on both superstitions and these other traits of human nature is the right strategy for my opponents to pursue because it skillfully avoids the issue of the truth about the Bible or the truth about certain aspects of human nature, and goes right for what you might call the jugular.)

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