A message to the American Military

As you would know, during the month of May, 2007, I have been out stirring things up. During that time I have not been entirely truthful, and so therefore, after giving the matter some thought, I have decided to clear a few things up by being entirely truthful instead of attempting to be crafty.

I have stated previously that I have been watching the situation in Iran for years waiting for the great historical moment to arrive, and that when those moderate Republicans put George Bush on notice, I knew then that the moment had come. This was not true. What actually happened was as follows. I received instructions from YAHWEH God stating that now was the time to begin to take action against Iran. I was also instructed to deliver a message to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad informing him that he might be able to rely upon those Revolutionary Guards to maintain his rule over Iran at the present moment, but he won’t have any Revolutionary Guard in pretty short order here.

Now, knowing as I do that everyone, including the religious people on this planet are all a bunch of atheists I made up that story about the Moderate Republicans and Bush because in my estimation I would probably be better able to carry out my instructions if I was crafty than would be the case if I were honest, at which time no one would be listening to me because I would be speaking about God, which would mean that once again I was speaking nonsense, and who listens to someone who speaks such nonsense? Knowing as I did that the American people were opposed to striking the Revolutionary Guard, I then was confronted with the problem of trying to get that George Bush to do it, a thought that filled me with terrified panic, because as everyone knows, it is almost impossible to get that George Bush to do anything. Therefore my plan became to build one of those cattle corral deals, and then somehow drive Bush through the maze, thus forcing him to do what YAHWEH wanted done, much as a cow has to turn east and then north when it is being run through one of those cattle coral mazes. I was never very comfortable with that plan, since it was quite uncertain, but then I was told by YAHWEH that I had the American military in my hip pocket and that George Bush had lost control of the military, and so therefore I did not need to worry about Caesar for what is Caesar without his legions.

Lately I have kept silent out of fear of perhaps upsetting some delicate balance that might exist, but after thinking the matter over I decided that since I have the American military in my hip pocket I might as well make the best of the opportunity, and I might as well begin by telling the truth, instead of attempting to hatch a plot and then waiting anxiously to see how that plot unfolds. So far, it is not promising, for according to what I have heard today, the politicians have decided that after the Revolutionary Guard has spent their time blasting American soldiers to Kingdom Come ‘no one has any plans for war against Iran,’ and that ‘the President has decided to pursue diplomacy.’ Now as bad as that sounds it really doesn’t matter because those politicians will no longer be deciding much of anything, for it is God who is commander in chief, and not some guy in some suit sitting in some office, oval or otherwise, and so therefore I am fully confident that what YAHWEH wants, YAHWEH will get, one way or the other, and what YAHWEH wants is for the American military to destroy the Republican Guard. This is all that YAHWEH wants. YAHWEH does not want Iran destroyed. YAHWEH does not want any of that American Imperialism. There is no need for a coup d’etat. The people of Iran can perform their own coup d’etat once those Revolutionary Guards are destroyed.

Now there are those who might say, ‘you speak of YAHWEH as God…prove it.’ My response would be as follows. Have you ever seen a guy from the middle of nowhere suddenly assuming command and issuing orders to the most powerful military machine the world has ever seen in history. Well there’s a crazy idea, isn’t it. My advice to you people would be to bite your tongues, because the time has come, finally, at long last the time has come, and now you are going to be seeing some very, very strange happenings on this planet. This will just be the beginning.

As for you military people, I would imagine that you are about to experience a few things as well, should that be required. I know what you military people are like. You obey orders and now you are getting some, and if you require more orders to get you to obey orders, then I suppose you will be getting more orders, but it won’t be from me. As I said, what YAHWEH wants, YAHWEH gets, and so I am confident that you will wind up following orders, the only difference here being that you will be following the orders of a different commander in chief, but an order is still an order, and for this one we will be going up the chain of command, all the way up.

As for those Muslims, my advice to them would be to go get Allah, because they are going to be needing a god here real quick now. If they can’t find one, I guess they’ll be shit out of luck, now won’t they. For thousands of years there has been no gods here, and instead of gods we have had offensive religion and idolatry all over this planet, which is about to be stamped out wherever it is found.

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