The Rottweiler
As you might know, I have referred to those letters of Paul, in the New Testament, as an ‘ideological dog's breakfast'. The reason for this is that the letters consist of surviving fragments which obviously were produced at different times in the writer's life, when the author held views that were contradictory and mutually exclusive. According to the self described mini-biography of that particular author, he said that he was at one time a Rottweiler for the doctrine of the Pharisees, and that out of all the Pharisees there was no one more zealous for maintaining the traditions of those Pharisees than he was, since he was the Pharisee's Pharisee.This then explains that dog breakfast one encounters in his letters. He forbids women to speak in church, and tells them to shut their mouths, and speak only to their husbands, doing that at home because, you see, in the ‘heathen temples' of Rome it was considered just scandalous for women to speak. We have uncovered frescoes showing how they worshiped in the temple of Jupiter/Zeus, and we find that women were covered and veiled, much like nuns, and they are depicting sitting at the back of the temple, heads bowed in submission, while the men are at the front, actively engaged and obviously also actively talking. Apparently that Rottweiler must have written his rants against women sometime shortly after changing over from an ultra-Pharisee to a member of some church, for we find that later on he was working with women at church, and that he even considered the apostle Junia to be an eminent apostle, who he thought, even outranked him in the church, and to whom he deferred because of her eminent position. Thus we find that his new ideology was the polar opposite to that of a Rottweiler Pharisee with a flaming passion for traditions, including those bad traditions of the Roman Empire, as he demonstrates when he concludes one of his rants against women by pointing out that the Roman Empire has ‘no other custom' and ‘neither do we in the Church of God.'
Therefore we know that women began talking in church, because that angered Rottweiler found it necessary to bare his fangs and growl at them, barking at them to shut up, which meant that they must have been talking, or he would have had not reason to bark at them. We also know they then began to throw off their coverings, because that Rottweiler once again felt the need to take up a pen so as to do some more of that barking and snarling. Later on, somehow, as he said in his brief autobiography, he decided that even though he was once a Rottweiler for tradition, he finally decided that it was all rubbish and garbage, and decided to give up everyone of those traditions, treating them, as he said, like rubbish, which then explains how we would later find him working with female apostles, which meant that women were in the highest position in the church, since apparently ‘apostle' was the highest position they had at that time.
From all this we can deduce that what must have happened is that after a very brief ‘springtime' in that early church, a clique of right wing hawks, and probably a pack of Rottweilers as well, must have invaded that church, converting it into a hierarchical organization in the process, by doing away with such collegial offices as that of ‘apostle', and replacing it with the office of a Pope, at the same time as those hawks and Rottweilers began screeching at barking at women once again so as to shut them up and dress them up like nuns once again, so as to maintain that previous tradition from the ‘heathen temples' of Rome. After all, could there be anything more precious than a tradition, in the sight of a die hard traditionalist?
During his Rottweiler days, Paul wrote the following atrocious diatribe. ‘Slaves, obey your masters, with fear and trembling, as though obeying Christ, and not only while being watched.' He then promised them pie in the sky when the die, which as he explained to them was to make up for the fact that they were not going to be getting any pie right now, but that would be made up for later when they received extra pie in heaven for being such well behaved slaves right now. For you see, that Rottweiler also knew that slave driving was an established Roman tradition as well, and in the style of such Rottweilers, therefore that tradition had to continued as well, since such Rottweilers do not seem to be particularly fussy about what they are promoting, and as Paul stated, he even promoted a big pile of rubbish and garbage, simply because it was a tradition at the time, a practice thankfully he gave up later. So then we find more of that dog breakfast, in that later he argued that slaves should stay in slavery, for the sake of social harmony, especially if the slave driver was a Christian, in which case they were brothers, but at the same time if a slave had a chance to get away he should take that chance. Then still later he declared the full equality of slaves, which as in the case of his complete change on the status of women, represented once again the polar opposite of the position he held previously back in those days when he was a Rottweiler.
Now given what a dog's breakfast such a collection of writings must become, one must wonder why it is the case that you Popes always have this uncanny habit of plucking through that pile and pulling out the rubbish that man was writing back in his earlier Rottweiler days, especially when it is quite clear that Paul himself decided to toss that crap into the garbage can, giving it up, later on, after he realized that it was all so much rubbish and garbage, as he called it himself.
The explanation is found when we consider that you are, as they have called you, that former's Pope's Rottweiler. Even though you are now the Pope yourself, you are still a Rottweiler, even if you have to tone things down now, and out source that Rottweiler job to someone else, because you are now Pope and need to be concerned about appearances. Yes, you are a Rottweiler for Catholic Dogma, so I have heard, which means that you are a Rottweiler for that right wing reaction that over ran and destroyed the early church, turning back the clock, and there that clock remains, even all these centuries later, as one Rottweiler after another, or one Hawk after another, became a Rottweiler for that stopped clock, just like you are today, and as you seem determined to be tomorrow as well, even though that is going to be a big problem for you. You see, I am going to be a big problem for you, because having some Rottweiler around is going to be a problem for me, for reasons which I will make clear a little further on, just in case it isn't clear right now, which it might not be, thus requiring me to clear things up, just to make sure it is clear.
For the purposes of the following discussion I am going to assume that you are a Rottweiler, because I suspect that you probably are, even though I am not one hundred per cent sure, and it could turn out that you are something like worse than a Rottweiler, like a Hawk, or maybe even a Dragon. Anything is possible, but not everything is probable, and because I think it most probable that you are more than likely just a Rottweiler, I will proceed on that assumption until I find out otherwise. I certainly hope you are just a Rottweiler, because I can live with a Rottweiler, even if all that barking and those bared fangs and the snarling can be troublesome. It will be interesting to find out if you actually are a Rottweiler, and it will also give me something to do as I start pressuring you to stop being a Rottweiler, since as we know, it has proven possible to change a Rottweiler, although I assume that would take an application of considerable pressure, since I doubt if that Rottweiler Pharisee named Paul changed his ways without having a lot of people constantly giving him a problem about it all..
Evidence
Now one way to reform a Rottweiler that comes to my mind is to check and see if being a Rottweiler is a good thing or a bad thing, for if it was a bad idea then we would find that being Rottweiler didn't do a person much good and therefore trying to spread those Traditions being zealously promoted by a Rottweiler would be a bad idea, since all that would result would be that more people would turn out just as badly as was the case with that evangelizing Rottweiler.One way of making such a determination would be to check the overall health of that Rottweiler by calling in a vet to do a check up. For today's examination I thought I would check on your eyes, since if a Rottweiler was found to have caught an eye infection because its traditional blanket was infected, then it would be bad idea for that Rottweiler to be passing around that same traditional blanket, because all that would result from the practice would be the spreading of an eye infection.
The approach I thought I would take would be to construct one of those charts with writing on it, show it to you, and have you read it back to me, and if I find you squinting, or if you just cannot read the chart, well then I would know that your eyes are bad, which then would suggest that your insides must be filled with a kind of darkness, because those bad eyes don't allow in any light.
For the purpose of this eye test, I thought we would review some of the evidence, some of which is plainly visible, and some of which is invisible, but only because no one has yet gone looking for it, which would suggest that they couldn't see where they were going, and thus couldn't find it, which would be another sign of bad eyes.
Now as you would recall, I tell the story of how when I was fifteen, I was at Banff National Park, when this luminous craft appeared. It was stationary, and then it darted into a little cloud, which then disappeared and there was nothing there. A few minutes later, it reappeared, surrounded by shimmering rainbow. An animation I made of the object is here (real media format). There is a sketch of the object surrounded by a rainbow included on the page of the magazine that published a letter describing the experience (page one and page two).
Now I cannot show you this evidence directly, because it was a personal experience, and thus is invisible. However, I can show you some supporting pieces of evidence, visible and temporarily invisible.
As I mentioned previously, the glowing craft followed me home, going from one National Park to another, until I arrived back in my hometown of Melville, Saskatchewan. There then followed a big wave phenomena of sightings almost every single night which created a big stir in that town. Eventually the event briefly made the CTV National News, and was finally explained by some scientists as being ‘natural gas eruptions.' At first the local newspaper ridiculed the big fuss by calling it ‘a weather balloon', but that particular hypothesis did not fit the facts, since there just aren't that many weather balloons around, and besides, they are not brilliantly luminescent, and so a hypothesis with a better fit was required, thus causing scientists to come up with that thing about natural gas eruptions. So then one possible way to indirectly confirm that story concerning what occurred at Banff would be to find all those people in Melville, and ask them what happened. As I understand some commission from the Vatican is currently sending out teams of investigators to check into the claims that some dead nun just worked another miracle from beyond the grave, thus putting her on the road to Sainthood, and since you people send out commissions, I thought you might, since no one else ever does. Thus this particular piece of invisible evidence would be made visible.
There is also a piece of visible evidence I can show you that will corroborate that story. Now as you can see above, concerning the object at Banff, ‘it was wrapped in a cloud, the rainbow was on its head.' This is reference to some symbolism found in the 10th chapter of the book of Revelations in the Bible where it is also says, ‘once again you must prophecy to many nations.' By the way, I do not believe that Revelations is some kind of prophecy of our future, since I believe that what the human race needs is an act of kindness, and what they do not need is to be trampled and slaughtered by vengeful divine horses, stung by vengeful divine scorpions, pounded with hailstones the size of buses, and all that other monstrous sounding authoritarian vengefulness found in that book of Revelations.
However it turns out that some friends of mine, up there, found it necessary to reference that book of Revelations, since an enemy of mine, up there, also found it necessary to reference that book. Where I live, kids get their preliminary driver's licence when they reach the age of fifteen, which then becomes permanent when they reach the age of sixteen. When I was fifteen, which was about seven months before I went to Banff, I received my licence, which is pictured below.
As you can see the number upon it is - ‘ 0 9 0 6 6 6 0 6'. The way that number is arranged, as you can see, it is hard to mix that ‘6 6 6'. You see, what happened was this - I won the lottery. When the balls rolled around and around and came out one by one to assign me a number for my driver's licence, the result was the weird, albeit, random mutation of possible combinations that then resulted in that number. The odds of getting that number are 1 in 99,999,999. Winning the lottery is easier since the odds are often better in the lottery. This then explains why seven months later, after having been nailed by a Dragon with the bad number from Revelations, some friends of mine, being the concerned angelic type that they are, decided to even that thing out by giving me the opposite sign, from the same book, the one concerning the cloud and the rainbow.
So you can see that I offer you two different ways to investigate the truthfulness of that account of what happened at Banff, which must remain invisible, since it only happened to me personally. One of the confirming pieces of evidence is visible and the other is temporarily invisible, until someone gets interested in checking it out. As for what happened in Melville, well it is pretty obvious that something happened in Melville, since it was required to explain it to everyone, whereas when nothing happens, there is nothing to explain.
I felt it was good to bring that bad number to your attention, since it has occurred to me that the possibility does exist that an enraged Rottweiler might decide to make some trouble because of that number, in particular when someone comes along with such a number and trashes the traditions so beloved by all the Rottweilers of the world, and in particular when they do such a thoroughly good job of doing such trashing. If I wasn't so good at trashing those traditions so beloved by all Rottweilers, I suppose they could just ignore me, but they can't, and so there is the distinct possibility that a Rottweiler might try to salvage a tradition by stirring up a pile of trouble. This could become a problem when a Rottweiler can't find another solution, and thus decided to try a diversionary tactic, which would the explain why Dragon's are found to have such great foresight in that such a Dragon would make sure to drop off such number in the hopes that it might prove useful to a Rottweiler sometime in the future, or failing that, maybe some Right Wing Hawk or another Dragon might be able to find a use for such a number.
Now at this time I will skip ahead, jumping right over a big pile of invisible evidence, and jump up to Monday, the day after Easter Sunday, 2000, when there was this great roaring sound over the skies of Saskatoon. Now this is another one of those invisible pieces of evidence, although actually it is not, and is only invisible because no Vatican commission or other such organization has yet bothered to check it out. You see, all over the city, people thought the same thing. They thought it was the very voice of God, as you could tell by the looks frozen on the faces of people in this city over the course of the following week. Eyes wide as saucers. A look of horror and fear frozen on every face. Everyone trying to pretend that everything was normal, even though everyone could see the look on the face of everyone else, and yet everyone came to a kind of unspoken agreement that they would all pretend that everything was normal. It was one of the strangest things I had ever seen in my life, and very educational. I learned so much. Now you might wonder how it could be the case that an entire city could become convinced that they were visited by the roaring voice of God right after Easter, and yet the whole thing would be an invisible secret. Well, you see, everyone was just horrified because they have listened to Christian evangelists who carry on that ancient tradition of the church of saving souls from the flames of hell which they picked up from John the Baptist, and given how everyone was convinced that they just heard from the horned devil from heaven, and that all those monstrous superstitions might be true, everyone then struggled to make it all go away.
By the way, as an aside, this would then explain why I am going to be giving you nothing but trouble, and it also explains why I will be found going through your church, kicking down the altars, trashing the sacraments, taking a baseball bats to the most precious relics of the churches, and so on and so on. But more on the subject later...
You might want to send a Vatican commission to investigate that particular visitation, although you would find it a challenge, since there are so many people in this city who just do not want to be reminded of that vicious horned devil from heaven, but even so, if you made a point of looking, the odds are that there would be at least a few people who would show up to talk about what happened that time, especially if you made a point of explaining to the people first that those traditions were false and that they need not react to God the same way people might react if they received news that Attila the Hun was heading for their town. Most people already think that those traditions are false and that evangelists are preaching nonsense, but interestingly enough, when something like that happens the first thought that pops into their minds is that of the horned devil of heaven, who is threatening to torture everyone unless they submit to fascist rule, which shows that even though most people ignore evangelists, they still take in what they hear.
From here we can jump ahead to Earth Day, 2001, where I once again won the lottery. I don't know what the odds would be of having a random cloud mutation in the form of a wing shaped cloud show up with perfect timing like that, but perhaps it might be 1 in 99,999,999 as well. You don't need to send someone to investigate since that event is visible. There is another invisible event that followed two days later, when NASA filmed one of those glowing craft using the Space Shuttle camera. This would be further confirmation that what I was describing at Banff was in fact true, and to find out more, the Vatican will have to start pressuring NASA, should it be the case that the Vatican wished to find out about such things.
And finally I will jump ahead to the year 2006, and add onto the list a random nose mutation, as well as a random hair mutation. It is interesting to note that the random hair mutation is showing some signs of asymmetry, which I can both see in a mirror, and feel with my fingers. Just as the random nose mutation was asymmetric (beginning on the left) so I am noticing that the random hair mutation is showing signs of the same unusual asymmetry, in that there are clearly more hairs on the right than there are on the left.
Eye Test
This concludes your eye test, and from what I can see, you seem to be squinting. This is not a good sign, and when a Rottweiler is found to have gotten an eye infection as a consequence of being a Rottweiler, and hanging onto its traditional blanket, even though that blanket is infected, this doesn't say much for those traditions. One would suppose that if those traditions were of any use to anyone, a Rottweiler should at the very least be able to pass a simple eye examination, but you have failed the test. Therefore I would prescribe for the patient a round of antibiotics. As you know, you should never quit taking antibiotics until you have finished the entire bottle, otherwise you run the risk of breeding a superbug, which resists treatment, thus causing your eyes to become even more infected than they are right now.I also noticed that the head of the United Nations Food Program chose today, of all times, to give you high praise for your enormous compassion and your great support of the United Nations when it comes to handing out food. I can imagine you were probably real embarrassed by that scolding I gave you a few days back, when I mentioned how after that plague of locusts, the United Nations Food Program begged for donations for months and months and didn't get a dime, and as I pointed out, the Vatican didn't say anything, which once again, makes a person wonder about those bad Rottweiler traditions, since it turns out that when a Rottweiler has become real holy by sticking with those traditions, next thing you know a Rottweiler is being real embarrassed publically by being seen with a soiled turban and a dirty robe, both of which became soiled by those bad Rottweiler traditions. This causes me to wonder if you asked the head of the Food Program to give you high praise, or if he just felt sorry for you, and decided to do you a kind favor. If it was his idea I have to wonder why he didn't wait until you actually did him a favor, given how there is another one of those big famines looming in Africa right now, ready to wipe out tens of millions, and he's probably having that same really hard problem raising money for this one as he did for that last one, which was raging during that ‘Live Aid' propaganda stunt, which could not be about a famine this time, since Africa didn't get any debt relief, and people knew there was a famine, they might expect some. Unfortunately you got your turban dirty that time as well, since due to your bad eye sight, you thought you saw something good there and thus decided to give a Papal endorsement to that propaganda thing.
So then, to summarize my points, not only did you fail your eye examine, you also keep getting your turban and your robe dirty, thus requiring such things as resorting to having the head of the United Nations Food Program take some time off from his office to do your laundry for you.
Tradition
No one can read one of those church gospel accounts without being struck by how much feuding Jesus did with traditional religious people. It was not those religious people who started that feud, but as you can tell, it was Jesus who went out of his way to provoke those people. For example he showed contempt for the Ten Commandments by going harvesting on the Sabbath, and naturally, being real traditional, and apparently a collection of Rottweilers, those religious types responded by quoting the commandment on the Sabbath, which tells us that ‘six days there are to do your work, but not on the Sabbath.' I doubt that Jesus needed anyone to remind him about the Ten Commandments, but those Rottweilers seemed to feel it was required to lecture him on the point, not that it ever stopped him, for as we know, he just went on and on and on breaking that commandment. He also outraged all those Rottweilers by drinking and partying with the towns most adulterous sinners, thus showing contempt for another one of those commandments of theirs, and as we are told, right from the start all those Rottweilers started plotting to have him crucified. I thought it good to bring this up, what with it being Lent right now, and thus a perfect time for another one of those shocking drinking parties of Jesus, and soon it will be Easter, which would be as good a time as any to remind people that Jesus was crucified because he showed contempt for religious tradition, and thus enraged a pack of Rottweilers for having done so.I thought it important to make note of this point, since Easter is coming, and things being what they are, some Rottweiler is bound to show up and insist that Jesus got crucified so that he could suffer and then leave everyone with a big pile of religious traditions, over which he would then appoint a pack of those Rottweilers, to watch over those traditions and make sure that not even one of them ever got changed or that no one might think that perhaps they were rubbish and decide to abandon those traditions and just move on. Some other Rottweilers would also be assigned the task of carving Ten Commandments slabs and dropping them off outside schools, court houses, legislatures, and perhaps later, even shopping malls, on the off chance that someone might be thinking of shop lifting and thus need that Ten Commandments slab to remind them not to do it.
The Service of the Church
Just this weekend, as I am writing this, you can another one of those speeches of yours, just before the Angelus, or whatever that thing is called, wherein you preached that the greatest service the church can provide to all of humanity right now would to become Rottweilers and evangelize the whole world with the traditional Gospel of the Rottweilers, thus saving their souls.Now it might surprise you to hear someone like me say something like this, but that is correct, and if the church will just carry on being a Rottweiler that would be a great service.
For you see, in the future, once people find out that there is something going on, and once they realize that for a long time something was going on, and they didn't know about it, well they are going to have questions, and therefore the best service the church could provide right now would be to give them the answers to those questions which they seek.
For you see, people will be asking how it could be true that if there was a God and life in the universe and so on, they never knew about it and no one ever saw any sign of anything for such a long time, and once they have a chance to watch those Rottweilers do that same thing that they did to Jesus, that might help to answer any questions they might have.
For the true task of a Rottweiler is to become outraged by God, and then persecute and plot and start throwing around charges of heresy, since it turns out that the things of God are heresy to a Rottweiler, since it turns out that a Rottweiler had this long laundry list of doctrines and instructions for God and so on, and when it turns out that God had other ideas, it then become the great historic task of those Rottweilers of religion to begin sawing logs and tossing the onto the road. They will also require a big bottle of bleach and scouring pad so they can begin cleansing the planet until every last infecting trace of that filthy heresy has been removed, at which time, after those Rottweilers have barked and attacked and bared their fangs until they have driven heaven right off of the planet, everyone can go back to being religious once again, while asking themselves where God might have gone, assuming there actually was a God at all, until finally just about everyone turns into an atheist at the end of it all, since it turns out that true historic task of religion is the evangelization of atheism, since that is how those Rottweilers cause things to turn out when all is said and done.
I thought it worth mentioning that process, since you have also said that you are concerned about all that atheism in the world, and then, in your typically myopic style, you prescribe more Rottweiler religion as the solution, with lots of evangelization, this time trying even harder than before, since apparently you did not realize that your cure is actually the cause of that problem. You are like a doctor who hands out faulty medication. But then given your bad eye sight, I can see how you might have trouble reading labels.
But as I said, people need to find out what happened, and for that reason the services of the church have been called upon once again, and who knows, given the strange twists and turns of events, perhaps there might even be a few more of those random mutations to come along later, perhaps the next one being once chance in a billion or even one chance in a trillion, which can then buried like a bone in hole by those Rottweilers of religion, as they fulfil their glorious historical mission, which is to thoroughly and completely justify God in the eyes of the human race.
For this reason I have decided that I can be content with having a Rottweiler on the loose, and hard as it might be, I can also learn to be patient, since the longer it takes the better it is, and some things are worth waiting for, and as we know, you never pop a loaf into the oven until the dough has had a chance to rise. That can take some time, and as I have found out over the years, time is something I got plenty of, and given how much justification God requires, especially after this long, long time, and all the bad things that happened that people would otherwise try to blame on God, I suppose that I could even tolerate waiting a hell of long time so that the justification would become glorious. F or, as I said, some things truly are worth waiting for, and that would certainly be on of them.
